Ok, so, here's how it goes.

Local crossdresser gets horny, screams at the void

Zi @ZeroInsanity

Age 29, Female

Slut

The Flat-Chested Girls Academy

Line Ark

Joined on 4/1/09

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Ok, so, here's how it goes.

Posted by ZeroInsanity - April 20th, 2010

I needed to think some things over.
Sure, I'm still suffering from dysthymia, but that's beside the point.
I observed my lifestyle, and discovered that I'm heavily irresponsible.
Wait, no. I figured that out two years ago.
But this week, it just kinda SHONE OUT.
So, after analyzing this, I also learned that I'm unsure of where I'm going.
I want to be a professional artist. I'd love to be a professional musician and compose my own works. I love making stories. And I'd really love to learn how to make a video game.
Art, programming, a storyline, and music all bundled up in one package = Profit, right? [Hmm, sounds familiar, eh, Albino?]
The thing is, I'm kinda lost as to what I'm doing.
I've got a non-existent self-esteem, little to no talent compared to most people in high school, I'm lazy as shit, and I'm horribly irresponsible. And I expect to become a one-girl studio? Hell, I'll be lucky to make it out of high school within the top half of the class.
I'm being forced to study topics I couldn't give half a flying fuck about.
Why is that? I don't fucking know. If I did, I wouldn't be taking some random gaytarded class I don't care for. Mainly, on that point, I'm worried that I won't make it out of high school JUST BECAUSE of those gaytarded classes. I'll end up in some community college, or worse, not even going to college. And my issue is that there's so many people ready to take on the fucking world while I don't even know my plan for the next day. I have no plan for how I'll live out my life. I always figured that I'll go crazy, drive everyone away due to a spiraling depression as I throw my life into an utter tailspin, and kill myself in some beautiful public display for everyone who once loved me to see.

The other reason I'm kinda down- Ok, REALLY, REALLY DOWN was that I was in an art slump. Couldn't draw worth shit, thought I drew like shit already, and just kinda gave up after the art slump went for about 2 weeks.
I'm at least out of the art slump for the most part. Kinda out of the art slump. Not out of the woods yet, but I see sunlight through the canopy.

But yeah. I've been feeling broken, disappointed, and the whole of the works when it comes to dysthymia as I've been examining my pathetic existence. I'll get out of it when I feel like I'm worth something. But so far, I'm still down and out on my life.

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AlbinoTitan 2010-04-22 17:57:16

Implying I didn't already go to Deviant and see exactly what happened.

ZeroInsanity 2010-04-22 17:57:16

Well, situation just changed.
Once again, will post explanation later.
Had cello lesson, now has to watch jazz concert.
Toodles.

Rabid-Monkey101 2010-04-22 20:05:55

I read DA too...

ZeroInsanity 2010-04-22 20:05:55

WELL SHIT.
I felt like I had no future for 2-3 days. I'm a bit out of it.
Kinda.

AlbinoTitan 2010-04-22 22:56:40

ZI as the next ZUN? Possibly.

Too much of this sounds like extreme teen angst that you will get over. I don't want to sound like Sanchez's utter failure of a self-esteem speech, but JESUS CHRIST WOMAN, YOU'RE A FUCKING GOOD ARTIST. No, you're not better than FUCKING PROFESSIONALS. WHY? YOU'RE 14, AND THAT'S STILL BESIDES THE POINT. I've been drawing for years. You know what I can draw? A stickman. Anything else starts getting trippy or I rip it up because it's terrible. AND EVEN STILL I CAN FUCK UP A STICKMAN BECAUSE I RUSH THROUGH IT AND THE PROPORTIONS ARE THAT OF AN AMPUTEE.

Okay, now about the bullshit of school. Middle School is the worst it will ever get because they force classes upon you that have no relevance to your future. And that's helpful, you know why? Because your hate gets fueled and that helps you make decisions for High School. Do you think that Technology was the biggest waste of your time? Great, you've eliminated about 8 possible classes for High School. In High School, you choose everything. It'll still suck, education will always suck, but at least you have a choice and your opinion matters. Now get your shit together and make a decision. Study what kind of college you need, what electives you need, and focus on a job. Those people who are ready to take on the world? They'll fuck up in college, get piss drunk every day, and then get certain kinds of records that will prevent them from getting a job at fucking McDonalds. And if you're worrying about driving everyone away, at least don't depend on DeviantART and block fucking everything. As a back-up plan, in case real life decides to torch all your friendships. Which it will. Enjoy losing all or most of your friends once beer, drugs, and sex become even more popular in your school. Great, my speech was better than Sanchez's because I exerted an effort and included my past experiences.

You think your existance is pathetic? Look at mine, and yet, I'm still happy.

ZeroInsanity 2010-04-22 22:56:40

Because you're piss-ass drunk, that's why you're happy. I envy you.
But I digress. Rage-induced is the vibe I get from this.

Now here's my thing. I'm over the fact that I suck at drawing and should not continue. I still think, of course, I suck at drawing. But that won't stop me now.
As for my current disposition, well...
I'm still more pissed at myself for not doing anything about my idiocy for such a long time. And I'm still horridly worried about high school.
And the GAYTARDED classes I was talking about?
THOSE ARE FOR HIGH SCHOOL.
Next year, I'm doing US History I (which, by the way, this country's history is boring as shit and I couldn't give less), English I (all we do there is read a book and make a fucking project over it) and some science classes I don't really care for but I like science. And Orch and Art. And ADVANCED ALGEBRAAAA.

Once again, I digress. I really appreciate the motivational speech. I hate prodding you guys to do this, but I don't want to do what I do IRL about my 'issues' and put on a happy face and hope to God nobody notices.
It worked a bit. Self-esteem +30. Up to -70 now.
Thanks.

AlbinoTitan 2010-04-22 23:26:54

I don't think that's why. But fine.
This was rage-induced, because I had to remind you that you're not as bad as you think you are.

Good. Continue drawing and using that create.swf. I demand it.
WELL I'M PISSED BECAUSE OF THE WAY YOU TAKE THESE THINGS. You could just remember what me, Rabid, and others say while still slightly expressing dissatisfaction. But NOOOO, you ragequit and go to Deviant.
Well, fuck, enjoy your gaytarded classes then. 9th grade is still practically Middle School, though. I can help with Science and US History. But that's about it. Forget English and Math related classes, they're my fucking least favorite subjects.

Okay. Now get your fucking self-esteem on the positive level. WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN?

ZeroInsanity 2010-04-22 23:26:54

Well, at least you're happy.

Oh, and since my create.swf stuff keeps getting baleeted here, you'll have to check dA for my art.
Otherwise, my life and whenever I ACTUALLY make music will be posted here.
M'kay?
THE REASON WHY I WENT TO DA WAS BECAUSE THE ART PORTAL SUCKS. AND I WANTED TO POST ART.
It's gonna suck. Expect moar RAEG and ANGST.

loldunno

Rabid-Monkey101 2010-04-23 05:06:58

You kinda sound like me. I love drawing and animating but i think i'm terrible at flash. Just like how you think your terrible artist. True thing is you don't suck. Everyone has that negativity in there work just like me. Sometimes i think people are just saying my stuff is good to shut me up. Just like it seems with you. But we both are good at what we do. I'm not actually bad at flash, compared to other animators that are choppy as fuck and only have 5 minute work into it. And your not bad at drawing. I saw your most recent maid and i actually thought it was good.
As for your future. I plan on going to a collage for animation and art. Maybe you could consider going to college for being an artist. Sure it'll take a few years but you'll learn some tips and you'll get a degree which will make you look professional.
And the spot of no improvement. It happens to everyone as sun david said. It happened to me before i took that vacation. So i'd take a break from drawing so you get more motivation and ideas. So there. Long message to try and cheer you up cause im nice like that and you should be glad of it because Albino has no feelings except rage. ;P

ZeroInsanity 2010-04-23 05:06:58

Yeah, I see where you're coming from there- WAIT YOU GUYS SAY THAT STUFF TO SHUT ME UP?

Never planned on college. If it happens, I'll let ya know.

Sanchez150894 2010-04-23 08:33:33

hmm... I could help you with drawing and programming and 3D stuff if you want. Music's not my stuff so I won't be really helpful there...

Glad you're out of that slump again (at least that your condition has improved)!

And also @Albino:
After discussing it with ZI a bit, I'd like to apologize. I thought you meant it seriously and that you would be trying to make me look bad again. But I now see that I've overreacted.
Well... there isn't really much to say... I'm sorry

ZeroInsanity 2010-04-23 08:33:33

I don't know how to respond here.

AlbinoTitan 2010-04-23 15:42:18

@Sanchez

Well isn't this just dandy? I don't know what ZI said or did to make you racked with shame, but I like it.

ENJOY YOUR ACCEPTED APOLOGY

ZeroInsanity 2010-04-23 15:42:18

I convinced him of my interpretation of your personality.

Sanchez150894 2010-04-23 16:30:23

^
I'll do :3

Had some very bad days the last weeks, that's probably why I got pissed off that easily and just freaked out -.-'

ZeroInsanity 2010-04-23 16:30:23

I know this.

igott 2010-04-23 18:55:39

So you want to be a writer/artist/musician?

Why don't you...

Write music, play your music with a custom light/stage/whatever show.

If you need someone to help fucking work the world, Albino and I are willing to help out.

Fuck Sanchez.

But you're not as down as me. My 'friends' are interested/like/hang out in/with me because:
1) Due to avoiding jailtime, I don't fight, which makes me weak, so they make fun of me.
2) I play well, so they want me to help them look good.
3) Because I naturally have peoples' backs, which makes me a pawn.

And that's why Albino is a good friend.
Doesn't use me and doesn't make fun of me, so it makes me happy.

ZeroInsanity 2010-04-23 18:55:39

Writer/Musician/Artist/Programmer /One-Girl-Studio.

No, I'm not that kind of musician. I'm an electronic/classical/jazz artist, not someone related to flashy shows.

Thanks, I'd appreciate that.

Uh. Why the hostility?

My friends are on opposite sides, and it's pissing me off.

Same.

Sanchez150894 2010-04-24 05:04:20

well... I guess I am the only one of us three who can draw and color propely using programms. I don't just mean that Select-Area-And-Fill coloring but the including advanced shadings, effects, etc. and the only one who can use 3D programs (plus the program I use the most for 3D stuff is completely free).
If you guys mean programming flash and actionscript, then you really can screw me since I haven't used flash yet. But if someone needs help with HTML, BB-Code, Object Pascal, LUA or a bit of C++, I could probably help.

And no, I haven't got bad days at the moment, that's why I didn't freak out this time...

ZeroInsanity 2010-04-24 05:04:20

What

Rabid-Monkey101 2010-04-24 11:39:38

^ Quit showing off. I've only had flash for a year.

ZeroInsanity 2010-04-24 11:39:38

YEAH JEEZ

Sanchez150894 2010-04-24 14:00:33

I didn't mean you. I meant igott

Did it sound like if I was showing off? Oh... sry then, it really wasn't intended

ZeroInsanity 2010-04-24 14:00:33

I don't even know what half those things you mentioned were.

Rabid-Monkey101 2010-04-24 18:15:48

I was kidding no worries dude. :)

ZeroInsanity 2010-04-24 18:15:48

M'kay.

igott 2010-04-24 19:33:16

It's funny because It's a musician vs. a programming basement dweller.

At least I know not to make myself look like some faggy warrior.

ZeroInsanity 2010-04-24 19:33:16

Uhh.

igott 2010-04-24 19:34:45

Also, nice going by insulting ZI in the process of trying to look better.

ZeroInsanity 2010-04-24 19:34:45

...

Rabid-Monkey101 2010-04-24 20:34:57

Not sayin it to shut you up. Saying the truth and being nice take it or leave it.

ZeroInsanity 2010-04-24 20:34:57

Uhm.

AlbinoTitan 2010-04-24 21:20:36

Enjoying your little war?

It's Rabid and Igott vs Sanchez. Interesting.

ZeroInsanity 2010-04-24 21:20:36

FUCK.

Rabid-Monkey101 2010-04-24 21:22:09

Wait wad i do?

ZeroInsanity 2010-04-24 21:22:09

Well, all three of you just stirred up hell on my page.

AlbinoTitan 2010-04-24 22:11:38

I stood by and enjoyed it. FOR ONCE IT ISN'T MY FAULT.

Chaos is delicious. Also, if you want me to stop commenting on this, continue our conversaton from the last post. Though that is old news.

ZeroInsanity 2010-04-24 22:11:38

Will do that.
Sometime.

AND DAMN IT GUYS.

Rabid-Monkey101 2010-04-24 22:13:38

i was playing around -.-

ZeroInsanity 2010-04-24 22:13:38

Dude, doing that, even if it's all in good fun, still fans the flames.
Goddamn it.

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