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ZeroInsanity
Local crossdresser gets horny, screams at the void

Zi @ZeroInsanity

Age 28, Female

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Joined on 4/1/09

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Artistic Challenge! [Not for imbeciles]

Posted by ZeroInsanity - June 18th, 2010


UH OH TL;DR ALERT
For those of you with the attention span of a monkey on crack, GET THE FUCK AWAY. This post ain't for you.

_________________

Mmkay, other post was getting absurdly long for some reason. Damn rant comments.
But I digress. Here's what I'm proposing:

Gimme a Project idea.
Ok, what a "Project" is: Essentially, they're young adults from the ages of 14 to 22 (or so) technologically augmented to have what are essentially superpowers.
--REQUIREMENTS:
//Any power sensible enough to use in combat. e.g. "PISS CANNON" is unacceptable. Be serious.
\\\\Addendum: Power must be scientifically supported. No Izayoi ZA WARUDOing, you hear? But I'll allow telekinetic-related abilities. Like psychomanipulation. But you can't use that. It's already done.
//General appearance. Male, female, and description of what they usually wear and look like.
//Personality. Demeanor, usual facial expression, and intelligence.
//Preferred weaponry. Again, be sensible. No giant-ass swords, army-class firearms, or BFGs. Must be obtained in a fashion REMOTELY sensible.
==Just write it out, no crappy MS Paint work necessary.

____________

HELL Y'KNOW WHAT? ABUSE THIS TEMPLATE HERE:
Profile No. LAYOUT
- Project [Use a random number between 10 and 122. Some numbers are taken, and I'll let you know if the one you used is used. AND YES ALBINO, 34 IS TAKEN.
a.k.a: [Give 'em an interesting title starting with The. Like, "The Eternal" or "The Alchemist". The title usually relates to their ability.]

<PUBLIC RECORD>
Nation Of Birth:
Gender:
Blood Type:
Birthdate: [Note that this takes place in 2013~]
Hair Color:
Eye Color:
Weight:
Height:
Status: [living or dead]
Race:
Parents:

<personal record>
[BACKSTORY! Make it however you want. No stupid things unless it's really that good. Otherwise, keep it realistic.]
<personality>

<WAVELENGTH RECORD>

Recorded Augments:
["Standard Augment Set" is required. Otherwise, list whatever implants were required to give your little bastard the ability they love and abuse.

Known Trainers/Handlers:
[Unnecessary, unless you want to come up with random people with "Dr." as their title.]

Known Weapons Preferred:

Appearance:
[Describe from head to toe, in that order. Not too high detail. Just general description.]

____________

IDEAS ALREADY DONE:
00 & 01-Absurd speed and strength
02-Insanely quick healing rate
03-Dark matter manipulation
04-Instantaneous Mach 4 speeds
05-Way absurd strength
06-Self-cloning
07-Psychomanipulation
08-Appearance mimicry
09-Human flamethrower
13-Human electric dynamo
21-Transform into mobile sand
30-Squid-tentacle-man
32-Instantaneous Mach 6 speeds
34-Bone manipulation/growth
54-Ability mimicry
61-Radiation emission
66-Instantaneous teleportation
73-Liquid metal manipulation
78-Technical invisibility
82-Human laser cannon
99-Technical alchemy

After you're done abusing the template, either send it as a PM or just post it as a comment. Questions can be asked the same way.
I SWEAR I'LL DRAW IT IF IT SOUNDS GOOD.

Why I'm doing this?
1. I've run out of inspiration temporarily.
2. I want to test your creativity.
3. I'm bored.
4. I wanna draw stuff not drawn yet.

OK? Now, GO!


Comments

- Project 47
a.k.a: The Soldier- Simon Weller

Nation Of Birth: United States of America
Gender: Male
Blood Type: AB
Birthdate: June 14th- 1990
Hair Color: Black
Eye Color: Ice Blue
Weight: 164lbs
Height: 6'3"
Status: Alive- Missing, last place known: New York City
Race: Caucasian
Parents: Doctor Eugine and Mary Weller

<personal record>
Simon Weller was the single contribution to Eugine Weller. Being trained to be the best example of soldier, Simon can make split-decisions and preform them with deadly accuracy, strength and reflex.

He was induced as a project before he was even born, taking on genetic mods and augments in his mother's womb. When he was born (Along with losing his mother to childbirth), he was put into a testing ground, teaching him everything he needed via serums and other methods.

When he was 10, he was introduced to combat and immediately took a knack at it, surpassing the record sniper distance with a whopping 1.6 miles. At 18, he took on his first assignment as a Company hitman, competing each and every mission flawlessly.

At 20, the Board found him too dangerous and sent their personal Cover-Up Division after him, killing his father. But Simon got away, wiping out 656 soldiers in the process of escape.

Gimmick Projects 48, 49, and 50 were sent after him, proving to never return to the Board alive.

Simon is known to be a gentle, but cold man. Usually protecting any innocent, he will also kill one if there are no other options. He is also one not to make a scene, proving that he can be swift and unforgiving. He is known to enjoy constructive hobbies, though he was made to destroy.

Recorded Augments: Strengthened Senses, Strengthened, Superior Reflexes and Heightened Intelligence, Superior accuracy, Extended Medical, Field and Survival Training.

Known Trainers/Handlers: Doctor Hugh Ringwald, Doctor Eugine Weller

Known Weapons Preferred: .225 Sniper Rifle, M4 Carbine, 2 Colt M1-somethings,

Appearance: Alpha Field Jacket- Black
Usually wearing some form of Jeans.
Combat Boots, and usually wearing a shirt, or sweater, depending on season.
He has medium-length hair and a trimmed beard.

Happy?

Very nice. I'll probably draw this.
But I've got some canon errors:
-Wavelength's Project Program was introduced originally as a covert bioresearch program. The program began in 2010's summer (Iris is currently in the augmentation process, and recruiting is occuring). Ergo, in-uterus augments couldn't happen in 1990 since the program takes place 20 years later. Way to fix this is just to edit how he becomes a project.
//Projects had three years of extremely intense training and learning (up to the point that 14 year-olds had college graduate levels of education). Due to the augment sets, mastery of a single combat style could take about half a year, rather than multiple years. Simon could snipe at pinpoint accuracy from anywhere at any distance in about a year.
//Wavelength didn't want to make a scene, so if Simon was a company hitman, he would have to be never noticed.

OTHERWISE, your story is generally canon-possible.
RECRUITMENT AGE: 20

- Project 35 [WHO THE FUCK STOLE 34, AT LEAST IT HAS BONE POWERS CAUSE THAT'S PRETTY COOL]
a.k.a.: The Blackguard - Sergei Chornovyl

<PUBLIC RECORD>
Nation Of Birth: Ukraine
Gender: Male
Blood Type: O [Master Race blood type]
Birthdate: October 8th, 1979
Hair Color: Brown
Eye Color: Amber
Weight: 175lbs
Height: 6'4"
Status: Unknown, assumed to be Living
Race: Caucasian
Parents: Doctors Vyacheslav and Anyastasia

<personal record>
Sergei was born in a Wavelength facility and raised in the same. The facility specialized in stealth projects such as cloaking and sniping, however, the head of the board wanted to try something new. A project that could break into high security areas and assassinate without being detected and without using expensive technology. A project that did not need superhuman abilities to fight, but simply used science and the shadows.

His life was a simple one when he was a child. He only knew four people, his parents, a nurse, and the director of the board that dropped by every few months. His world was his room, a testing lab, and the short hallway in between. Until he was 8, all he did was go to school and study.

On his 8th birthday, his parents began implanting several augments into his legs and a memory augment into his brain. They built a test course to see how quickly he could run in and out of a closed area that contained several different paths. Without the memory augment, most people would get hopelessly lost. The target time was 20 minutes, Sergei was in and out within 6 minutes.

Sergei's parents continued this testing for 5 years, adding more paths, shorter time limits, and obstacles. The final instance where he tested on the original course had a target time of 4 hours. He made it through within 34 minutes. On his 13th birthday, locked doors, vents to avoid obstacles and the like were added to the course. He was given a lockpick the year before and knew how to use it well. Despite these hindrances, Sergei made it in and out in 30 minutes, 3 hours and 30 minutes below the target time and four minutes better than on the original course. The director was tired of the ceaseless testing when it was obvious that Project 35 was well-equipped to infiltrate and escape. The director ordered that he was taught to kill and create and use poisons.

8 years passed and Sergei did indeed learn to kill and specialized in debilitating poisons. Rather than spend money on bullets and a high-tech sniper, the director had him learn to use the longbow. The combination of poisons, stealth, and a longbow for distance and silence resulted in a near-perfect assassin. His first job was to assassinate the President of Belarus. As expected, the President was killed, and no one knew anyone had ever entered the capital building.

Over the years, more jobs were completed and Sergei's parents worked on keeping his implants in tune and developed stronger poisons. Their job was now to supply Sergei with his usual tools rather than command and teach him. Dr. Vyacheslav was angered that he was just an accessory to his son's success, for Vyacheslav desired to be remembered as more. When Sergei was 21, he was sent on a three year-long mission that involved a hitlist across the globe. During his son's away time, Vyacheslav built his own implants and planned the mass murder of the entire facility in an attempt to be remembered. At age 24, Sergei returned home to find blood splattered all over the facility walls and his father driven insane by the overpowering implants on his feeble mind and body. Sergei wanted to finish his father off in a way he felt Vyacheslav deserved. He searched the chem labs for a weapon project he had heard talk of. Needles filled with a nightmare-coma inducing serum. Sergei equipped these over his fingers and used them for the first time on the husk of his father, finding that they work effectively and slowly kill a weak-minded person. However, Sergei now had no purpose as his masters were nothing more than rotting corpses and pools of blood.

But he knew that the databases in the facility contained his bio and missions. He searched the computers for new targets and after 10 years of systematically killing and experimenting with the needles, he became obsessed and lived only for testing how quickly he could infiltrate a building and killing in painful and sadistic ways. Despite his need for new ways to kill, he persisted with his old implants and longbow, only developing stronger poisons and testing their affect on targets.

<personality>
Sergei was never around many people and knows no social skills. Thus, he sees people as no more than walking targets. His sadistic personality also causes him to view people as his personal toys and that he has a right to inject poisons into their bloodstream. He views himself as what the board always wanted projects to see themselves as. Machines that live only for the board's objectives.

<WAVELENGTH RECORD>
Recorded Augments:
Compound Identification, Element Identification, Mixture Identification, Dexterity Proficiency, Quadricep, Calf, and Hamstring Enhancement [Running and Jumping], and Memory Elevation.

Known Trainers/Handlers:
Dr. Vyacheslav Chornovyl, Dr. Anyastasia Chornovyl and Director Viktor Oleksiy.

Known Weapons Preferred: Needles strapped to the top of every fingernail, filled with a nightmare-coma inducing serum, poison vials that can be placed in the needles or on arrows, a heartwood [dark brown, sometimes violet] longbow, 60~ arrows, and 5~ lockpicks.

Appearance:
Gasmask [I just lost the creativity contest]
Black and green jacket with hood [See S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Clear Sky]
Leather armor [under jacket]
Quiver of arrows
Black Wavelength standard-issue fingerless combat gloves
Black and green boots

Holy fuck, I wrote too much.

End Boss worthy.
But I'm afraid that having someone 31 years old wouldn't qualify.
CANON ERRORS:
--Too old to be a project. Just it. Maximum age he could be recruited is 20, like igott's. Gotta edit his birthdate.
//Wavelength was a normal electronics and software company up until 1998, when Lucius Baird became Wavelength's CEO. Only then did the Bioresearch Division come up, and the Project Program started in Summer 2010 (as stated previously ^)

For you, no need to edit much of what you've said here.
Just cut out some parts and rewrite them in. Otherwise, definitely gonna work.
Thank you for contributing.

I think these are the only two submissions you'll get.

Good luck with that.

I don't care. I was bored and needed a post that would drive fuckwits away.
Turns out I succeeded.

Ulterior Motives:
- Piss people off with writing.
- Attempt to induce some interest in my little story.
- Actually get some Project Ideas. I have ONE HUNDRED TWENTY-TWO PROJECTS that need a name, face, and ability. Because I want to.
- Test your imaginations. Last thing I want is to be hanging out with people "with the personality of a brick wall". If I remember that quote related to Mass Effect correctly.

- Project 27
a.k.a: War Twelve Prophet - Johnny Roth

Nation Of Birth: born and grew up in the UK until 13, then continued living in the USA
Gender: male
Blood Type: o+
Birthdate: october 11, 1996
Hair Color: black
Eye Color: a combination of black and brown
Weight: about 176lbs
Height: 6'0"
Status: not sure. it'll be explained in the background story
Race: is 'white' appropriate?
Parents: Tim and Olivia Roth

<personal record>
Born and raised in a pretty much calm environment. [i'm new to writing so please spare me oh mighty Zi] being the only child, he had a pretty normal life, except for his extraordinary abilities. Johnny Roth had the ability uncanny to teleport, travel through dimensions and can shift into his "oblivion" state, where it's suppose to be like his own little world [i'm an unexperienced writer, okay? jeez]. Kinda like limbo. Oblivion in the dictionary is defined as "state of being forgotten" where when he goes there he seems to vanish from existence on earth and into a half serene place like for thinking and stuff, and half, like prizon for crazy monsters. It'll be explained later. [cut me some slack man.]

Meanwhile, in the far depths of the cold cold hell. Sid, a prince of the underworld sent to hell is trying to make a deal with the Devil himself. Sid, as mentioned, is a 'prince' or royalty in the underworld. His father is one of the three prophets that keeps this world intact and working. The prophets existance alone is what's making the whole prophecy thing ticking. They are in a form of three people, representing life, existance & meaning and death. Sid's father represents death. They also have diff abilities, Sids father can control of matter. Which is kinda unfair, so to make it fair, his power is only limited within his kingdom in the underworld. So does his mother, priestest of the moon, can control time but only when it's night time. [hence priestest of the "moon" get it?] any way, he as the son of two of the most powerful beings in the underworld [i sorta made the underwold diff from hell, where hell is where the bad souls go to get punished. and underworld is like a detention place of some sort where everything is kinda gloomy] Sid also has an ability, which is controlling the shadows. As a king, he of course has an enemy. Krodus, a crystal using shaman from a group called "Warriors of Light" who's main focus is to bring down the kingdom from the underworld to destroy the representation of death to enforce their ways of good as their basis on their utopia they're trying to make [kinda like heaven] now they have somehow managed to actually bring down the kingdom and kill the king and queen. leaving the child to be sent to rot in hell. As for the other two prophet, they don't really give a shit because they don't have to.

Now back to the deal. Sid had vowed revenge and to take back the kingdom he owned. He had his chance to take action when the recent grim reaper had died [my thought of the grim reaper is that they change him when he dies, yes he's not immortal in this story, and a new one must be elected or great consequences would happen. and that he just collects souls for the big guys] now he proposed that if he could find a suitable reaper for them, he'd be able to take his body. [a few talking happens and they agreed to the deal.]

And so Johnny, as the most suitable since he can teleport which is convinient for the reaping business, is to be elected as the new reaper. He had to go through the 8 rigns of hell to feel the pain of the souls he collects. also numbing him so he can kill whoever it is on the list. then get's done with the training, does his first kill on the list. and eventually killing his parents since they appeared on the list. so then time passes, Sid would appear in his head. talking to him and stuff. until Johnny is now aware that someone else is inhabiting his body. He then tells him why he's the new reaper and having Sids soul inside him. must represent the prophecy of death. now of course the warriors of light would disagree since they've already had the other two prophecies souls reaincarnated [that way they can start a new world, pertaining to their demands and ideas] now since they can't kill him because he's the new reaper and God would be pissed if they lost a new one. so for them to decide judgement, they declaired war. warriors of light against the prophecies. [because that's how they roll in this story.] the twelveth war in the history of worldly balance.

<personality>
Johnny is pretty much a typical teenager. a bit trashy. somewhat clever at times. a bit of a sarcastic ass. lazy. and does whatever it takes to get things done. especially when the time calls for it. he used to take his abilities for granted, taking money in bank vaults & other peoples houses. not much of a morning person really. sometimes Sid takes over him fully when he can't keep him in any longer. and he's pretty much just a mean dick actually.

<WAVELENGTH RECORD>

Recorded Augments:
eyes can see high speed movements, lightning-fast reflexes and the brain can function as fast as well

Known Trainers/Handlers:
as a future ruler of his kingdom, Sid's father had him train for combat and other stuff. knows extensive knowledge about battles. and since he's inside Johnnys body, his skills gets into his DNA. except for the shadow controlling part since he already has teleporting in him.

Known Weapons Preferred:
that good ol' schyte. not the gay ass crappy schyte that you see 13 year olds draw on Ms paint or on their notebooks and take pictures of them and masturbate. probably like something more on the soul eater schytes. don't complain.

Appearance:
Johnny looks as if he just got out of bed
messy hair, lack of sleep eyes. and a good scowl. nothing fancy, just a shirt, jacket and jeans combination. converse shoes are a must though, and Sid just wears his clothes i guess.

-don't make fun of me
-the names aren't permanent, except for 'Johnny's last name. (i really DON'T like the name sid or johnny)
-i fucking suck at this kind of stuff
-i'm bored too
-a few sucky paragraphs too long.

Well. For a first time, that's pretty good.
My only issues are:
- There ain't JACK SHIT related to how he's a Project. The concept of Projects are that they took the ordinary and made it extraordinary. Mr. Roth came pre-packaged with interdimensional abilities.
- I don't know how to explain the ability to shift between dimensions. Fringe does a damn well good job of that, but I got nothing in terms of a technological aspect. It'll work, but I have to come up with a decent explanation.
- Mr. Roth should probably get his own storyline. His past and ability, along with his apparent destiny lies elsewhere, away from Seattle, Washington.

In terms of a character, I can't help but feel reminded of Soul Eater im terms of design, and various other anime in terms of story. Make your own world, don't just make homages to pre-existing stories. That's a tip for being a writer as a whole, because you look like you're pretty damn good right now.

Well shit, you should have figured out who has the personality of a brick wall by now. If I had to guess, I'd say Rabid. That boy ain't right. I tell you what.

Or at least he's not right after I've finished with him.

Rabid used to be at least 369AC8, but he's just kinda 2C2C2C in terms of happiness.
Boy don't know how to handle himself. I mean, I accept that I'm a stupid, negative, lazy, and outright useless fuckwit who is most likely adopted or was dropped as a baby. Seriously. I hate myself.
But Rabid: He doesn't like who he is, and wants to do something about it. But he doesn't know what to do. So he gets all angsty because what you say is usually right, and he doesn't know how to fix it.

Stop pissing him off. Maybe he's offed himself or some shit.

Hey now, I don't try to piss him off. In fact, all he says is "Hi" to me and relies on me to start the fucking conversation. I start ranting about absolutely random things and seeing if they're possible. They always are, freakin' scary. After about a half hour of me ranting and him saying "wow" he breaks down and calls me a freak even though I could be talking about normal things and daily occurrences.

Come to think of it, the only time I've made him happy was when I provided fap material to him...of Flandre. OF FLANDRE. EXPLAIN THIS TO ME. I EVEN TOLD HIM "Well it's of a 495 year old vampire but if you fap to it you're a fucking pedophile" and he said "I don't care, gimme :D" Smiley face was included. Smiley face was always included when we discussed Flandre.

...Oh.
Uh.
*opens mouth to say something, but stops*
*sigh*
Ah...
*looks diagonally downward to the left, as though that might end the conversation; this does not occur and the awkward moment continues*
I... I got nothing. Just. I. Ah.
Ahh... I-
*abruptly stops; turns around and begins to contemplate the severity of his condition; walks away while nervously glancing over her shoulder to see Sean's reactionto her obviously odd reaction to his statement*
*returns home and gets some iced tea to sip while both mulling over Sean's statement as she reads MS Paint Adventures' "Problem Sleuth" storyline*

yeah i was very bored at the time
i didn't really mean to incorporate from other works
i just really suck at writing
(fucking soul eater. i now hate it btw. i've seen the light)
yeah i thought it would have been better if someone else wrote it, i was trying to use a minor character as the main character to the story. to shake things up. i also was trying to show that he was just a jackoff before and that this was just the start of his story. i tried but failed. aaaand, now that you mentioned it, Roth doesn't have much of a story to tell.. i did not see that..

Keep at it, though. Even if it's a blatant homage to Soul Eater, it still was written well enough not to be obvious to others.

FUCKING ASTERISK STORIES, YOU ARE TRYING TO PISS ME OFF. WHAT IS YOUR EXCUSE FOR CONVEYING INFORMATION IN THIS INAPPROPRIATE MANNER?

Why in God's name are you reading MS Paint adventures? The only good one is the first Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. Which, strangely, I looked at 30 minutes ago for the 50th time.

I TOLD YOU MAN
I TOLD YOU ABOUT STAIRS

I FELT LIKE WRITING
I'M SURPRISINGLY INTERESTED IN WRITING

Hey, I just discovered this stuff. And mind you, Problem Sleuth is a badass and Ace Dick is funny as hell.

damn soul eater. can't believed i like that. quick, gimme another anime to rip off

Uhh. MAKE YOUR OWN STORY. Hell, how I started was I made a crappy story related to multiple existing anime (Uhh, I can't remember half of the ones I referenced).
After realizing how much that sucked in 4th Grade, I moved on and began to think of something new.
Nowadays, my Project storyline loosely references these things:
- Gunslinger Girl (Story/Character Design)
- Failed Containment by Terkoiz (Story/Character Design)
- Grim Tales by bleedman (Iris Design)
Unbalanced by Terkoiz (Story/Character Design)
- Another Generic Escape by jcamelo (Story)
- Armored Core 4/fA (Story)
Original Inspiration:
Breach (Story/Character Design)
Abandon (Story/Character Design)

Take inspiration from others and make your own elements.
Just try.

I get too interested in writing, create a huge fucking world and then lose interest because it could be a 2000 page book. I can create topics but not stick to them.

How do you "just discover" MS Paint Adventures? It's not possible.

Seriously. Heard about it somewhere, Googled it, and began to read Problem Sleuth.
I finished Problem Sleuth in...
I'd say 5 hours total, ending at like 1:00 p.m or so today.

Is this "somewhere" a place that happens to be called 4chan? Because they have MS Paint Adventure threads every day.

I never knew you could spend 5 hours straight on something. It's a new record for your attention span.

No. Actually, heard it from some comments on a flash.

Went from 10:30 yesterday up to 1:30, slept, and restarted at 9:30 and read on and off up to 1:00.

gone.

What.

I usually get on every other days.

Huh. I can get on at any given moment. Usually once or twice a day.

Finished Problem Sleuth.

Alright, what the fuck. Steering the universe? Angelic army composed of complete freaks and busts? ACE DICK?

Yeah, I said "What the Fuck" too, but that was probably the greatest example of original content on the internet that I've ever seen.
Zombie Ace Dick + Fiesta Ace Dick + Ace Dick = ????
Oh right. ACE DICK.

Also, Lv. 5 Sleuth Diplomacy.

I messed up what I meant to say, don't bother trying interpret what I say at 4 a.m.

I think I understood. What WERE you trying to say?

22 chapters of pure, original content. You now realize you'll never see something like this again. Also, "Ace Dick's imagination is too crude to have a female alter ego!" Don't know why I remember every Ace Dick line.

Tallness powers.

> Read Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff
After reading Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff immediately after concluding Problem Sleuth's adventure, you feel disappointed with the obvious lack of quality and overuse of blatantly imbecilic jokes.
You throw your hat down in disgust.

I love Problem Sleuth's Combat Operandi.

I said the only good one was I TOLD YOU MAN
I TOLD YOU ABOUT STAIRS
You now realize you do not have a fancy hat to throw on the ground in disgust. You utter profanities.

COMBAT OPERANDI: Lv. 18
BELLY OF THE WHALE.

That was the FIRST ONE.
You wonder what made you think that. You obviously wear a FEDORA. You contemplate why is it that you lack a KEY or CANDY CORN.

> COMBAT OPERANDI: Lv. 99 SEPULCHRITIDE
Whoa, hey now. What do you think you're doing?

Well, it's only funny THE FIRST TIME.
You tip your FEDORA like in a noir movie. You seem to have forgotten what you were disgusted at during the process of tipping. You walk over to your desk and discover a KEY with one bullet in it, however, your prized loot still appears to be missing.
>Disregarding your missing candy, you craft a fort out of a chair, cinderblocks, and paneling. <a href="http://img696.imageshack.us/img696/4358/ps198.gif">http://img696.imageshack.us/img696/43 58/ps198.gif</a>

THE FINAL COMB RAVE
<a href="http://img171.imageshack.us/img171/5669/sepulchritude.gif">http://img171.imageshack.us/img171/56 69/sepulchritude.gif</a>

Also, nice gifs.

Whilst within your fort, your keen imagination stat beckons you to create a post about this venture.
Also, your Pulchritude immediately convinces ANYONE you should and that it's a great idea.
But you yourself ponders whether it's a good idea.
> Make that post, damn it.
> No, fuck it. That's retarded.
> Disregard medium-low Vim stat and throw broken computer tower.

> Make that post, damn it

You drink your CANDY CORN LIQUOR and use your fort as an entrance to the REALM OF IMAGINATION. You find yourself falling off a building and dressed as a HYSTERICAL DAME. Upon landing, your CLEMENCY OWL meter slightly fills. There are many frivolous activities in which to partake in, however, you cannot decide on what.

> Jump in front of an incoming truck to completely fill up the PARLIAMENT UPROAR meter
> This place is fucking retarded, leave
> Hunt down the legendary beast FLUTHLU

> This place is fucking retarded, leave

Realizing what a huge imbecilic clusterfuck this place is, you opt to leave before your brain cell gets lonely.
You realize you are nowhere near a computer. However, there are three buildings in front of you, each holding some form of INTERNET.

> Enter the NOIR-ESQUE CAFE which has a sign in the front saying "Free Wi-Fi".
> Enter the INTERNET CAFE, which obviously holds your INTERNET.
> Disregard your need to make your damn post and get some CANDY CORN from adjacent CANDY STORE.

> Enter the NOIR-ESQUE CAFE which has a sign in the front saying "Free Wi-Fi".

Feeling that you look the part with your fancy HAT, you enter the NOIR-ESQUE CAFE. You come to the shocking realization that you do not have a COMPUTER to access the Wi-Fi with, however, there are many patrons with COMPUTERS.

> Use PULCHRITUDE to convince one of the patrons to hand over a COMPUTER.
> Pull out your KEY with one BULLET inside of it and use Ace Dick-styled "diplomacy" to access your desired INTERNET.
> Rob a nearby patron of their delicious CANDY CORN, disregarding your need to make the damn post.

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